OK, I've been reading all the comments and understand that people are a bit confused.
First, this is supposed to be a short story, not a novel.
Second, things are moving fast because my mind tends to run ahead rather than walk slowly when writing. Later, I go back and edit the draft... several times, at which point the story will hopefully make sense and be cohesive.
Third, this Regencyesque fantasy world was built in the following: 'Born to Serve,' 'Jane: A Born to Serve Bonus Chapter,' and 'Mistaken Heart.
Fourth, Lydia and Caro are evil by dragon standards. Their complete selfishness is an indicator of their corrupt minds, not their sexual proclivities. Dragons are all in favor of sex... the more the better. The selfish behavior of these females ultimately leads to the ruination of the Bennet family.
Finally, I am a SOTP writer, have always been one, except in college, where I had to write many papers for History, English, and Philosophy, which required structure and analysis more than imagination. Because the standard HEA is when ODC marry, this story takes us beyond that scenario. They are already married. How this ends is up for grabs. The next chapter is going to get further into the realm of "What the Heck?"
Ok, I get that this is supposed to be a short story. Usually a short story focuses on one storyline, not many. I think that is why everyone is confused.
That being said, if you develop this more, it would make a great novel IMHO. What you’ve written so far is a great foundation. It just needs flushing out, details really, to make it work and flow together.
R and J got engaged off camera. lol. I skipped right past the whole courting rigamarole and left it to the reader's imagination.
Jane is a host without a dragon. S may decide to take her on, but probably not. Thanatos is not the easiest dragon to like/love, so I may have to look for a more formidable female goddess/dragon for the task, who is known for serenity and coldheartedness, because the female dragon needs to want a serene, cold fish of a female host to join. After all, one of the primary reasons a dragon takes a host is to have a constant companion of a similar mind while enjoying the physicality of life. Otherwise, they are stuck in the ether, or possibly they take a form that can walk the earth, but feel nothing. I realize that I created a bizarre reality for this fantasy world that resembles Regency England.
If all else fails, Copilot can suggest a female goddess with similar characteristics or even invent one for me if I provide enough information on the goddess's personality/traits. ;o)
I am unsettled by this chapter. I felt contradictions in the description of Lydia. Lucas describes her as lying there unmoving and yet she is reacting to his touches. I also hope his dragon gets some penalty for its bad behavior. I thought the party was, in part, so the local hosted dragons could evaluate things with Lydia and maybe Mrs Bennet. Hopefully, we learn about that later.
Lydia enjoys sex, but thinks lying still is ladylike behavior. Larkos isn't behaving badly. He's simply being himself... a dragon who hates being bored and left out of anything interesting. He inserts himself into the business of others and the bodies of willing females whenever possible.
The party was primarily to spite Caro by spoiling the Netherfield Ball and by demonstrating that even a last-minute invitation to Longbourn would supersede any invitation to Netherfield. The Bennets made it clear to the Bingleys that they are the most prominent family in the area, not a bunch of upstarts from London.
Another contradiction re: Lydia - The dragons say she and Caro are evil. Yet younger Mr. Lucas says Caro is paying the soldiers to use Lydia while Lydia believes she must let men use her body; must submit to their victimization. Lydia's internal dialogue shows she has conflated her mother's instructions about flirting to catch a man with what is fanon's typical pre-wedding night disclosure by Mrs.B. why would Lydia have the idea she must lie still and allow her sexual use by so many. Unless she has been groomed to be used, which makes her a victim, not necessarily evil.
Lydia's beliefs about flirting are from her mother: bat your eyes, smile, compliment him, agree with him, take his arm, stand close to him, sport a low decolletage, and possibly kiss him if he is calling on her. Lydia is 15 and likes to listen at doors. Her ideas about deeper interactions with men were likely formed through eavesdropping when married ladies gathered to talk about their husbands. At this point in the story, Lydia is definitely not a victim.
Having Lydia’s eavesdropping be wholly off screen is a fact the reader doesn’t know - hence my feeling she is a victim. Is that a path you want as an option for readers to think? And it’s a leap to go from being indecorously flirty to participating in sex, particularly if Lydia is overhearing ‘marriage bed’ talk and acting on it.
Even if this is a short story, the reader needs enough info to go where you want them to. Doesn’t have to be long discourse. But short stories are meant to be independent and wholly understood. If we have to reference other books or stories for essentials to understand what is happening, that is not a good thing. Just a dependent clause here or a sentence there with the foundational info would have the reader where they need to be.
True. Chapter 6 is calling out for a complete revision. I’ve been watching too many Documentaries about life in the Middle Ages. Yes, that makes no sense as stated, but those Great Courses have begun infiltrating my mind in strange ways. It seems that the more the Church forbade people from enjoying sex, the more people found ways to enjoy it whether married or not. Even without anyone telling Lydia about sex, an intrepid young lady who enjoyed kissing and cuddles was likely to figure out what came next.
“Lydia heard everything. She wanted to cry. She wanted to rage against her mother for telling her to flirt with men, and because they expect a lady to lie still and do whatever they ask, it was required to grant their wishes. She wanted Miss Bingley to die.”
This chapter has me in a quandary. It seems as if Mrs Bennet has been educating one daughter in a way she hasn’t done the others. Lydia was not hesitant to go off and do those things with John Lucas, but she is angry at what her mother told her and angry at Caroline for paying the soldiers to use her, although she has been willing to engage with them too. The dragons say she is evil, but is it Mrs Bennet who is the evil one? Lydia wishes Caroline to die — will she make an attempt to make this happen? That would certainly be evil.
Am finding this story very confusing. So many disparate story lines which we have been dropped into without world building and without character building.
While some in the craft encourage dropping characters into the middle of conflict as a way to hook the reader, this story does that to ODC, ColFitz and Jane, Caro, Bingley, Mr.B, Lydia, and young Lucas. Too much all at once!
Playing with the weaving metaphor, the threads of the weft enter without being anchored. And they are so abundant and disparate that clarity and definition of the pattern are missing. Frankly, getting the impression of a tangled mess instead of coherent story.
Also - major actions in plot line happening off camera without purpose and character journey is not a good thing. Seat of pants writing is not working toward clarity at the moment
I am with everyone else regarding this chapter. Events are moving too quickly to follow. It reads more like a teenager’s assignment to summarize a book than following a story. Overall, it makes no sense; all these events must connect, but the threads are not there to follow.
I am confused by Bingley’s actions and attitude. Wasn’t he fully supporting Caroline and her wishes? Or did she have him under a spell? The previous chapters, with both Darcy and Richard ‘reading’ Bingley’s intentions, seem to support Caroline’s plot to force Darcy to marry her. Why would he suddenly want to cut all ties with her?
I am also hoping for more information about the dragon enclave, the discussions and resolutions. Was Lakos working with the other dragons, or against them? Or even on his own, just to be contrary?
OK, I've been reading all the comments and understand that people are a bit confused.
First, this is supposed to be a short story, not a novel.
Second, things are moving fast because my mind tends to run ahead rather than walk slowly when writing. Later, I go back and edit the draft... several times, at which point the story will hopefully make sense and be cohesive.
Third, this Regencyesque fantasy world was built in the following: 'Born to Serve,' 'Jane: A Born to Serve Bonus Chapter,' and 'Mistaken Heart.
Fourth, Lydia and Caro are evil by dragon standards. Their complete selfishness is an indicator of their corrupt minds, not their sexual proclivities. Dragons are all in favor of sex... the more the better. The selfish behavior of these females ultimately leads to the ruination of the Bennet family.
Finally, I am a SOTP writer, have always been one, except in college, where I had to write many papers for History, English, and Philosophy, which required structure and analysis more than imagination. Because the standard HEA is when ODC marry, this story takes us beyond that scenario. They are already married. How this ends is up for grabs. The next chapter is going to get further into the realm of "What the Heck?"
Ok, I get that this is supposed to be a short story. Usually a short story focuses on one storyline, not many. I think that is why everyone is confused.
That being said, if you develop this more, it would make a great novel IMHO. What you’ve written so far is a great foundation. It just needs flushing out, details really, to make it work and flow together.
Yep, Hopefully, Lydia does not ruin this for them. Someone needs to know what she has been doing and correct her.
When did Richard get engaged to Jane? Does that mean she will become a host? Then there’s Lydia……. Bungles gets a little spine, too little too late.
R and J got engaged off camera. lol. I skipped right past the whole courting rigamarole and left it to the reader's imagination.
Jane is a host without a dragon. S may decide to take her on, but probably not. Thanatos is not the easiest dragon to like/love, so I may have to look for a more formidable female goddess/dragon for the task, who is known for serenity and coldheartedness, because the female dragon needs to want a serene, cold fish of a female host to join. After all, one of the primary reasons a dragon takes a host is to have a constant companion of a similar mind while enjoying the physicality of life. Otherwise, they are stuck in the ether, or possibly they take a form that can walk the earth, but feel nothing. I realize that I created a bizarre reality for this fantasy world that resembles Regency England.
If all else fails, Copilot can suggest a female goddess with similar characteristics or even invent one for me if I provide enough information on the goddess's personality/traits. ;o)
lol. I’m glad Richard got what he clearly wanted..and who can say what hidden depths Jane has that just need to be brought to light
I am unsettled by this chapter. I felt contradictions in the description of Lydia. Lucas describes her as lying there unmoving and yet she is reacting to his touches. I also hope his dragon gets some penalty for its bad behavior. I thought the party was, in part, so the local hosted dragons could evaluate things with Lydia and maybe Mrs Bennet. Hopefully, we learn about that later.
Lydia enjoys sex, but thinks lying still is ladylike behavior. Larkos isn't behaving badly. He's simply being himself... a dragon who hates being bored and left out of anything interesting. He inserts himself into the business of others and the bodies of willing females whenever possible.
The party was primarily to spite Caro by spoiling the Netherfield Ball and by demonstrating that even a last-minute invitation to Longbourn would supersede any invitation to Netherfield. The Bennets made it clear to the Bingleys that they are the most prominent family in the area, not a bunch of upstarts from London.
Another contradiction re: Lydia - The dragons say she and Caro are evil. Yet younger Mr. Lucas says Caro is paying the soldiers to use Lydia while Lydia believes she must let men use her body; must submit to their victimization. Lydia's internal dialogue shows she has conflated her mother's instructions about flirting to catch a man with what is fanon's typical pre-wedding night disclosure by Mrs.B. why would Lydia have the idea she must lie still and allow her sexual use by so many. Unless she has been groomed to be used, which makes her a victim, not necessarily evil.
Lydia's beliefs about flirting are from her mother: bat your eyes, smile, compliment him, agree with him, take his arm, stand close to him, sport a low decolletage, and possibly kiss him if he is calling on her. Lydia is 15 and likes to listen at doors. Her ideas about deeper interactions with men were likely formed through eavesdropping when married ladies gathered to talk about their husbands. At this point in the story, Lydia is definitely not a victim.
Having Lydia’s eavesdropping be wholly off screen is a fact the reader doesn’t know - hence my feeling she is a victim. Is that a path you want as an option for readers to think? And it’s a leap to go from being indecorously flirty to participating in sex, particularly if Lydia is overhearing ‘marriage bed’ talk and acting on it.
Even if this is a short story, the reader needs enough info to go where you want them to. Doesn’t have to be long discourse. But short stories are meant to be independent and wholly understood. If we have to reference other books or stories for essentials to understand what is happening, that is not a good thing. Just a dependent clause here or a sentence there with the foundational info would have the reader where they need to be.
True. Chapter 6 is calling out for a complete revision. I’ve been watching too many Documentaries about life in the Middle Ages. Yes, that makes no sense as stated, but those Great Courses have begun infiltrating my mind in strange ways. It seems that the more the Church forbade people from enjoying sex, the more people found ways to enjoy it whether married or not. Even without anyone telling Lydia about sex, an intrepid young lady who enjoyed kissing and cuddles was likely to figure out what came next.
Particularly one who grew up on a farm.
“Lydia heard everything. She wanted to cry. She wanted to rage against her mother for telling her to flirt with men, and because they expect a lady to lie still and do whatever they ask, it was required to grant their wishes. She wanted Miss Bingley to die.”
This chapter has me in a quandary. It seems as if Mrs Bennet has been educating one daughter in a way she hasn’t done the others. Lydia was not hesitant to go off and do those things with John Lucas, but she is angry at what her mother told her and angry at Caroline for paying the soldiers to use her, although she has been willing to engage with them too. The dragons say she is evil, but is it Mrs Bennet who is the evil one? Lydia wishes Caroline to die — will she make an attempt to make this happen? That would certainly be evil.
Am finding this story very confusing. So many disparate story lines which we have been dropped into without world building and without character building.
While some in the craft encourage dropping characters into the middle of conflict as a way to hook the reader, this story does that to ODC, ColFitz and Jane, Caro, Bingley, Mr.B, Lydia, and young Lucas. Too much all at once!
Playing with the weaving metaphor, the threads of the weft enter without being anchored. And they are so abundant and disparate that clarity and definition of the pattern are missing. Frankly, getting the impression of a tangled mess instead of coherent story.
Also - major actions in plot line happening off camera without purpose and character journey is not a good thing. Seat of pants writing is not working toward clarity at the moment
I am with everyone else regarding this chapter. Events are moving too quickly to follow. It reads more like a teenager’s assignment to summarize a book than following a story. Overall, it makes no sense; all these events must connect, but the threads are not there to follow.
I am confused by Bingley’s actions and attitude. Wasn’t he fully supporting Caroline and her wishes? Or did she have him under a spell? The previous chapters, with both Darcy and Richard ‘reading’ Bingley’s intentions, seem to support Caroline’s plot to force Darcy to marry her. Why would he suddenly want to cut all ties with her?
I am also hoping for more information about the dragon enclave, the discussions and resolutions. Was Lakos working with the other dragons, or against them? Or even on his own, just to be contrary?
Upon rereading this description of Larkos, I am reminded of Loki from Norse mythology.
Absolutely!