ATM, this story is nameless or Nature's Mistake until a title appears from the mists of my mind, a subscriber's mind, or AI.
Dragons, Deceit and Desire is a series of stories set in a fantasy realm resembling Regency England. This is the latest story, which begins with a Prologue. There should be a previous arrow that lets you go back to the start. ;o)
Cheryl pointed out my first observation so that’s done. I’m all for incinerating Wickham as soon as possible. Maybe Lydia will be (unfortunately) in his clutches at the same time and get fried too. Just kidding…my bad! But she is definitely cruising for some kind of trouble. She makes Kitty look like a reasonable young lady. This is a good chapter for showing her frivolous behavior and Mrs. B’s contribution to that.
Need to know a little more about the story before making title recommendations. Is it Jane who is the mutant? That would help to know.
The beginning of the chapter seems disjointed. There is a repeated paragraph, and in some instances it looks like they were out of order. No doubt Wickham got word you want to incinerate him and decided to cause trouble. Beyond that section, great chapter. I’m hoping Denny has kindness in mind towards Lydia. It seems that way but if he’s friends with Wickham I’m most likely wrong.
Sadly, I often repeat stuff. Chances are great that paragraph three will disappear because paragraph 7 covers the same thoughts. This was pointed out in a message from another subscriber with eagle-eyed editing. Thank you for catching this, too. Now if I can get through the email in the next hour, I might be able to get some sleep before it's time to cook dinner.
Great chapter, but I’m a bit confused. In the previous chapter, Mr. Bennet takes Mrs. B in hand about her behavior in slapping Elizabeth and forwarding Lydia as a better prospect to Darcy. Mr. B stated that Kitty and Lydia are no longer ‘out’. How is it that they are permitted to walk to Meryton without supervision? Especially since Mrs. Phillips is not in Mr. B’s good graces in the Prologue. Or has Jane influenced them?
It's challenging to write when my mind is like a sieve. However, since Mr. B is in his study and Mrs. B wants her favorites to catch husbands, she sends them for walks to visit their aunt. I'll have to clarify their escape from Longbourn. After all, Mr. B can't stop them from going on a walk to visit their aunt, or can he?
If he knows about the plan to walk to Meryton yes; the very minimum he would do is to have them accompanied by an older sister or a footman. However, you suggested in the first (or was it second?) paragraph that they have walked to Meryton several times while Bingley and Darcy are courting their older sisters. The way you’ve written the character of Mr. B reveals he is a firm man (disciplining his wife for striking Lizzy.) That would lend me to believe he is not the usual indolent baboon’s butt the OG Mr. B is.
If he does not know they are walking to Meryton without supervision, it would make more sense. I can see Mrs. B aiding them to spite Mr. B after his punishment. Is she clever enough to do so? Just keep in mind that if they are going every day, I can’t see Mr. B not finding out, as someone would comment on the presence of Kitty and Lydia in town, in the company of officers. Especially if they are openly flirting with them in the streets.
I might be late to this conversation since this is chapter 3 so I apologise.
If your current title is Dragons, Deceit and Desire ….. I would prefer Deceit, Desire and Dragons. I would put the emotions first.
I’m not sure where ‘mutants’ fit in so I’ll keep out of that.
The chapter represents the silliness of the youngest sisters very nicely.
By the way, every idea to dispatch Wickham, as soon as possible, is a good idea. X
ATM, this story is nameless or Nature's Mistake until a title appears from the mists of my mind, a subscriber's mind, or AI.
Dragons, Deceit and Desire is a series of stories set in a fantasy realm resembling Regency England. This is the latest story, which begins with a Prologue. There should be a previous arrow that lets you go back to the start. ;o)
Thanks. I really was late to the conversation!!!!
Cheryl pointed out my first observation so that’s done. I’m all for incinerating Wickham as soon as possible. Maybe Lydia will be (unfortunately) in his clutches at the same time and get fried too. Just kidding…my bad! But she is definitely cruising for some kind of trouble. She makes Kitty look like a reasonable young lady. This is a good chapter for showing her frivolous behavior and Mrs. B’s contribution to that.
Need to know a little more about the story before making title recommendations. Is it Jane who is the mutant? That would help to know.
Also I love both of those illustrations but the picnic scene is so adorable. It’s my favorite!
Jane is the mutant, having magic while being a potential host. (But don’t quote me)
What I thought, but wasn’t sure.
The beginning of the chapter seems disjointed. There is a repeated paragraph, and in some instances it looks like they were out of order. No doubt Wickham got word you want to incinerate him and decided to cause trouble. Beyond that section, great chapter. I’m hoping Denny has kindness in mind towards Lydia. It seems that way but if he’s friends with Wickham I’m most likely wrong.
Sadly, I often repeat stuff. Chances are great that paragraph three will disappear because paragraph 7 covers the same thoughts. This was pointed out in a message from another subscriber with eagle-eyed editing. Thank you for catching this, too. Now if I can get through the email in the next hour, I might be able to get some sleep before it's time to cook dinner.
Well, you do specify this is a draft. You write as your mind is flowing. No worries. I know things like that would be smoothed out before publication
Great chapter, but I’m a bit confused. In the previous chapter, Mr. Bennet takes Mrs. B in hand about her behavior in slapping Elizabeth and forwarding Lydia as a better prospect to Darcy. Mr. B stated that Kitty and Lydia are no longer ‘out’. How is it that they are permitted to walk to Meryton without supervision? Especially since Mrs. Phillips is not in Mr. B’s good graces in the Prologue. Or has Jane influenced them?
It's challenging to write when my mind is like a sieve. However, since Mr. B is in his study and Mrs. B wants her favorites to catch husbands, she sends them for walks to visit their aunt. I'll have to clarify their escape from Longbourn. After all, Mr. B can't stop them from going on a walk to visit their aunt, or can he?
If he knows about the plan to walk to Meryton yes; the very minimum he would do is to have them accompanied by an older sister or a footman. However, you suggested in the first (or was it second?) paragraph that they have walked to Meryton several times while Bingley and Darcy are courting their older sisters. The way you’ve written the character of Mr. B reveals he is a firm man (disciplining his wife for striking Lizzy.) That would lend me to believe he is not the usual indolent baboon’s butt the OG Mr. B is.
If he does not know they are walking to Meryton without supervision, it would make more sense. I can see Mrs. B aiding them to spite Mr. B after his punishment. Is she clever enough to do so? Just keep in mind that if they are going every day, I can’t see Mr. B not finding out, as someone would comment on the presence of Kitty and Lydia in town, in the company of officers. Especially if they are openly flirting with them in the streets.
Good points.
Well- Wickham is now introduced. Perhaps the incineration is not far behind!