I am glad to have a mention of Darcy and Lizzy. I think the story has focused enough on Mrs. Bennet’s behavior. I look forward to other story notes being developed.
Again - a minority opinion. Then I think I will ride the tide and read but not comment further.
I wanted more information about Lydia and Caroline, in addition to more detail about the Colonel and Jane. Even in a short story, if a character is present, the reader should understand why and the character's significance in the story.
Too much time is spent on MrsB's reaction re her clothing and her nerves, much of it redundant. And not enough time is spent on her emotional journey over what is apparently several months.
Admit I am discomforted by the terse comments about Mrs.B's figure. Wouldn't a short scene between Harriet and her mistress about clothes needing to be taken in be a way to 'show, not tell' the same info?
Lastly, a scullery maid is the lowest ranked person in household staff. They would not be ordering about any other staff. Harriet, as Lady's maid. Is probably the highest ranked of the small crew allotted to the dower house. Maybe if Mary was a Housekeeper/maid of all work, the heirarchy would work.
I enjoyed the bit in the dower house. And the bit about the Darcy’s. I’m glad Mary will get removed from the house. I’d like to see more of Richard and Jane. They’ve been romping about off camera way too much!
When the Darcy’s arrive…to attend the wedding. Should it be then not when? It also seemed to not flow well. But I’m tired so I might not be seeing it right.
Sigh! 8 chapters in and I’m thoroughly confused by the jumping through information quickly and the random bits of area we focus on. It feels like you wrote several scenes and asked AI to piece them into a story for you. At this point I’m done reading completely as it doesn’t seem to have a plan or trajectory.
I wonder at the point of all this concentration on Shrieks-For-A-Living. While entertaining, does it serve a purpose? Is Shrieks the main protagonist? So yes, I agree that the story so far is disjointed. It does not serve the title of your story: Retaliation. By beginning the story of a vicious attack on Lizzy, one assumes the retaliation is for that attack. In truth, no retaliation is necessary, as Darcy killed Wickham immediately. However, these subsequent storylines confuse the matter; what does the deaths of the Caromonster and Loosey-Goosey Lydia have to do with the Darcys? And Shrieks’s childish tantrums?
It is also true that the scullery maid is the lowest ranked servant in the dower house’s staff. Harriet is the highest ranking servant, followed by the footman, the gardener, then the scullery maid.
I am glad to have a mention of Darcy and Lizzy. I think the story has focused enough on Mrs. Bennet’s behavior. I look forward to other story notes being developed.
Again - a minority opinion. Then I think I will ride the tide and read but not comment further.
I wanted more information about Lydia and Caroline, in addition to more detail about the Colonel and Jane. Even in a short story, if a character is present, the reader should understand why and the character's significance in the story.
Too much time is spent on MrsB's reaction re her clothing and her nerves, much of it redundant. And not enough time is spent on her emotional journey over what is apparently several months.
Admit I am discomforted by the terse comments about Mrs.B's figure. Wouldn't a short scene between Harriet and her mistress about clothes needing to be taken in be a way to 'show, not tell' the same info?
Lastly, a scullery maid is the lowest ranked person in household staff. They would not be ordering about any other staff. Harriet, as Lady's maid. Is probably the highest ranked of the small crew allotted to the dower house. Maybe if Mary was a Housekeeper/maid of all work, the heirarchy would work.
I enjoyed the bit in the dower house. And the bit about the Darcy’s. I’m glad Mary will get removed from the house. I’d like to see more of Richard and Jane. They’ve been romping about off camera way too much!
When the Darcy’s arrive…to attend the wedding. Should it be then not when? It also seemed to not flow well. But I’m tired so I might not be seeing it right.
Sigh! 8 chapters in and I’m thoroughly confused by the jumping through information quickly and the random bits of area we focus on. It feels like you wrote several scenes and asked AI to piece them into a story for you. At this point I’m done reading completely as it doesn’t seem to have a plan or trajectory.
I wonder at the point of all this concentration on Shrieks-For-A-Living. While entertaining, does it serve a purpose? Is Shrieks the main protagonist? So yes, I agree that the story so far is disjointed. It does not serve the title of your story: Retaliation. By beginning the story of a vicious attack on Lizzy, one assumes the retaliation is for that attack. In truth, no retaliation is necessary, as Darcy killed Wickham immediately. However, these subsequent storylines confuse the matter; what does the deaths of the Caromonster and Loosey-Goosey Lydia have to do with the Darcys? And Shrieks’s childish tantrums?
It is also true that the scullery maid is the lowest ranked servant in the dower house’s staff. Harriet is the highest ranking servant, followed by the footman, the gardener, then the scullery maid.